Comparisons or
The "
  as ..." List

It seems half of what we say is a comparison of some bloody sort, but it shows we are an inventive, imaginitive lot.... especially when it comes to insulting our fellow man!

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 Tally Sayings
572Scarce as rocking horse shit.
Very rare
539Dry as a dead dingo's donger.
~
522Off like a bride's nightie.
Very quickly.
490About as useful as tits on a bull.
useless
477Happy as a bastard on Father's Day.
~
361Drier than a nuns nasty.
~
336He had a head on him like a sucked mango.
~
289Flat out like a lizard drinking.
hard work, busy. (But originally sarcastically)
202Ugly as a hatful/bucket of arseholes.
~
185Bangs like a dunny door in a storm.
Has sex a lot.
180Sticks like shit to a blanket.
~
153Got a face like a bashed in shit can.
Insult
144As welcome as a fart in a phone box.
Get out of here
134Busier than a bricklayer in Beirut.
~
123Better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick.
Be thankful for what you've got.
121You're as handy as shit on a stick.
your not much help
119Her! She's got a face like a smacked arse.
Boy! You are ugly
113Sticks out like dog's balls.
Doesn't fit in, out of place.
112clear as mud
unclear
107Lower than a snake's armpit / arsehole.
Pretty underhanded
106No more sense than a native bear, an' not half as good-lookin'.
Dumb
102As useful as an ashtray on a motorbike/water-ski/surf-board.
useless
As useful as lips on a chicken.
not worth a damned
101Tighter than a fish's arse.
that's watertight
100He's off like a bucket of prawns in the hot sun.
I am out of here!
99As funny as a fart in an elevator/space suit/sleeping bag.
not
97Dry as a fuck with no foreplay.
Very thirsty
94Sure as there's cold shit in a dead cat.
the certainty of the situation
92I need that like a submarine needs a screen door.
~
91I feel like a dog's breakfast.
Feel pretty awful.
Fits like a bum in a bucket.
~
90Mad/Silly as a cut snake.
~
89Tighter than a bull's arse at fly time.
~
88Dumber than a box / wagon load of rocks.
Not troubled by intelligence
87As greasy as a butchers prick!
~
86That's about as funny as a kick in the head.
~
80As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.
Ugly
Hornier than a three balled tomcat.
Watch out pussies!
So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread.
~
79Got a face like a mile of unpaved road.
Pretty ugly
76As cunning/crazy/sly as a shithouse rat.
~
73As rare/scarce as hen's teeth.
Rare
72Blunter then a nun's cunt.
~
71Happy as a dog in a hub cap factory.
~
69I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat.
I need a drink
Welcome as a pork chop in Jerusalem or a synagogue.
Not popular.
Dry as a witch's tit (in the desert).
Very Thirsty
67About as useful/handy as pockets on a singlet.
effing useless
Up and down like a whore's drawers.
~
66Better than a slap in the face with a wet fish.
~
As slow as a wet week.
That's slow.
Face like a mallee root.
ugly
You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie.
~
63He's as full as a goog.
full, so drunk he can't stand up
62Dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards.
Extremely dry in the mouth
61Full as a fat lady's knickers/socks.
Couldn't have any more food/drink
58Thick as a lump of 4 X 2. (four by two)
not well endowed with grey matter
Mad! He's as mad as a gum-tree full of galahs!
~
56You're as ugly as a box of blowflies.
Insult
She goes like the clappers.
Move fast
55Like a rat up a rope/drainpipe.
very quickly
Flash as a rat with a gold tooth.
~
54As handy as mudflaps on a speedboat.
Not handy at all
53Left like a shag on a rock.
result of unpopularity
52Mate, shes as rough as guts/mullet/goats' knees/a pigs breakfast.
very rough, crude
51I'd be up her like a rat up a drain pipe.
She very fuckable.
Fits like a finger in a bum.
It's tight.
Your face is like a twisted ugg boot.
Insult
Cold as a polar bear's behind.
~
49She's as ugly as a mud fence in a rainstorm.
~
A few dice short of Yahtzee.
Not very intelligent or mentally incapable
So hungry I could eat the arse/crutch out of a low flying duck.
I'm really hungry!
48As common as a cat/dog in Springvale.
Rare. (Alluding to Vietnamese eating dogs/cats)
Stiff as a wedding night/Saturday night prick.
Sore from exertion/exercise
47As old as Adam.
~
As lonely as a bandicoot on a burnt ridge.
~
46Carrying on like a pork chop.
overexited, hyperactive
45Like making love in a canoe.
Referring to a weak beer, because it's FN near water
44Full as a fat man's undies.
Had enough to eat
43Needed as a back pocket in a tshirt.
Not useful.
39Madder than a baptist in a brothel.
really angry
38(I'm so hungry) I could chew the crutch out of a low-flying vulture.
BLOODY Hungry!
Up and down like a mad woman's shit/custard.
Something which is 'all over the place'. ie a rough track
Full as a fairy's phone book.
full of grog
37Ugly as a deep sea racing mullet!
Ugly chick
Dryer than an Arab's fart.
Thirsty
36As fresh as a hand full of gum leaves.
~
35It's hotter than a whore in heat.
it's really hot
I am as dry as a nun's tit.
I'm thirsty
33As bent as a nine dollar note.
Gay
Dry as a Drover's dog.
Very thirsty
31Silly as a wet hen/square wheel.
~
30Goes off like Chinese New Year.
goes wild
Meaner than a recipient of a nuns verbal bitch slap.
you got to be pretty damn foul to get a verbal bitch slap from a nun
27As useful as a cunt full of cold water.
Not very usefull
Better than a shit in the dark.
Better than nothing at all
As ugly as a bag of spanners.
Ugly
Full as a Catholic school.
The meal was extremly filling.
26As useful as a handbrake on a Holden.
useless
25He / She has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.
has a double/ triple chin
It's colder than a well-diggers ass.
it's really cold
24Me heads throbbing harder than a honeymooners disk.
I got a headache.
23It's so cold, me headlights are on high beam.
Also known as Nippelus Erectus
Rough as bags and twice as nasty.
uncouth, rough
Meaner than Hungry Tyson.
~
20She's so fat, you'd have to roll her in flour to find the wet spot.
Speaking on sex with a weight challenged woman
As useless as a chocolate fireguard.
Useless
18She's so fat, you'd have to slap her in the guts and ride the waves in.
Speaking on sex with a weight challenged woman
Two yards faster than a trickel.
Very slow.
As useful as a fart in a collander.
Useless. (collander is a kitchen strainer)
16Quick as a bumnut through an eggslice.
Quick. bumnuts=eggs.
15As full as a secondary school hat rack.
Very drunk
Fit as a buck rat! (and twice as sexy)
Even fitter than a Mallee Bull [meaning sexually active]
14Slicker than whale shit on an iceberg.
pretty slick
So cold it'll freeze the balls on a brass monkey.
coooold (brass monkey being the three balls that hang outside a pawn shop )
Randier than a stud bull let lose in a paddock full of heifers.
Very randy
As stuffed as a whore on Father's Day.
Can't eat another thing
Into everything like/as useful as a drover's pup.
Not useful at all
13She's wider than a choir-boy's asshole.
She's fat.
You've got a head like a dropped pie.
Very Ugly
12He's got a head like a Dirrambandi mailbox: big and empty.
A slow-witted (and possibly oafish) person. Dirrambandi mailboxes are huge water drums... but people there don't receive much mail, so they're pointless!
9I'll be off like a Jewish foreskin.
I'm getting out of here
8Wet as a soup sandwhich.
horny
7She has a head on her like the south end of a north bound camel.
She is bloody ugly
So thin she wouldn't cast a shadow.
self explanatory
Busier than a one legged lesso on a pogo stick.
very busy
As pissed as a newt.
drunk
6He's about as much use as a fart in a thunderstorm!!
he is totally useless/ a waste of space
So fat, when he/she rides a motorbike, you can't hear the engine.
~
So low he could parachute out a snake's arse and free-fall.
a view on someone else's morals
Need a piss like a dog needs a floggin.
~
About as attractive as a box of frogs!
ugly
5As popular as a turd in a lunch box.
Unwelcome
In and out like a fiddlers elbow.
really busy or a driver darting in and out of traffic
I'm so hungry I could eat the crutch out of an Afgans undies.
really hungry
A face like the north end of a south bound cow.
ugly
4As thick as a wharfie's (or brickie's) sandwich.
dopey
He has a head like a chewed mintie
Ugly looking thing.
Busier than a blue-arsed blowfly.
pretty darned busy.
As full as a bulls arse in the middle of spring.
Couldn't eat another thing
As useful as springs on a ballerinas' shoe!
(sarcasticly) real useful.
He's / She's got a face like a busted arse!
ugly as sin
3I'm as full as an aboriginals valliant.
I cannot eat any more
Thats about as useful as a G rated pron flick!
it's useless
Thicker than a 2 dollar watch without the workings.
Not bright.
Pull it as if you're getting a black fellow off your mum.
pull that bloody rope!
It's as wet as a whores cunt outside.
pissing down rain
As thick as two short planks!
Not too bright!!
Last about as long as a snowflake in summer.
wouldn't last long
As flat as a shit carters hat.
describing the landscape
As thick as a doctors wallet!
a bit slow or stupid
As silly as a goose.
Stupid
It's so dry you can flog a flea across it.
dry
I'm off like a piece of rotten cheese.
I'm leaving
2Queer as a concrete parachute.
Poof or lesbian
Useful as genital worts on a ribbed condom.
not very usefull
As rare as a moment of fun at a Frank Field Concert.
very rare!
Someone is threepence (pronounced throopence) short of a shilling.
thick
1He/she has a head like a racing tadpole.
pretty damned ugly
He's as useless as tits on a tomcat.
absolutely no use at all
As useful as a parachutte in a submarine.
~
The End.