Comparisons or
The "
  as ..." List

It seems half of what we say is a comparison of some bloody sort, but it shows we are an inventive, imaginitive lot.... especially when it comes to insulting our fellow man!

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 Tally Sayings
572Scarce as rocking horse shit.
Very rare
539Dry as a dead dingo's donger.
522Off like a bride's nightie.
Very quickly.
490About as useful as tits on a bull.
477Happy as a bastard on Father's Day.
361Drier than a nuns nasty.
336He had a head on him like a sucked mango.
289Flat out like a lizard drinking.
hard work, busy. (But originally sarcastically)
202Ugly as a hatful/bucket of arseholes.
185Bangs like a dunny door in a storm.
Has sex a lot.
180Sticks like shit to a blanket.
153Got a face like a bashed in shit can.
144As welcome as a fart in a phone box.
Get out of here
134Busier than a bricklayer in Beirut.
123Better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick.
Be thankful for what you've got.
121You're as handy as shit on a stick.
your not much help
119Her! She's got a face like a smacked arse.
Boy! You are ugly
113Sticks out like dog's balls.
Doesn't fit in, out of place.
112clear as mud
107Lower than a snake's armpit / arsehole.
Pretty underhanded
106No more sense than a native bear, an' not half as good-lookin'.
102As useful as an ashtray on a motorbike/water-ski/surf-board.
As useful as lips on a chicken.
not worth a damned
101Tighter than a fish's arse.
that's watertight
100He's off like a bucket of prawns in the hot sun.
I am out of here!
99As funny as a fart in an elevator/space suit/sleeping bag.
97Dry as a fuck with no foreplay.
Very thirsty
94Sure as there's cold shit in a dead cat.
the certainty of the situation
92I need that like a submarine needs a screen door.
91I feel like a dog's breakfast.
Feel pretty awful.
Fits like a bum in a bucket.
90Mad/Silly as a cut snake.
89Tighter than a bull's arse at fly time.
88Dumber than a box / wagon load of rocks.
Not troubled by intelligence
87As greasy as a butchers prick!
86That's about as funny as a kick in the head.
80As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.
Hornier than a three balled tomcat.
Watch out pussies!
So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread.
79Got a face like a mile of unpaved road.
Pretty ugly
76As cunning/crazy/sly as a shithouse rat.
73As rare/scarce as hen's teeth.
72Blunter then a nun's cunt.
71Happy as a dog in a hub cap factory.
69I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat.
I need a drink
Welcome as a pork chop in Jerusalem or a synagogue.
Not popular.
Dry as a witch's tit (in the desert).
Very Thirsty
67About as useful/handy as pockets on a singlet.
effing useless
Up and down like a whore's drawers.
66Better than a slap in the face with a wet fish.
As slow as a wet week.
That's slow.
Face like a mallee root.
You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie.
63He's as full as a goog.
full, so drunk he can't stand up
62Dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards.
Extremely dry in the mouth
61Full as a fat lady's knickers/socks.
Couldn't have any more food/drink
58Thick as a lump of 4 X 2. (four by two)
not well endowed with grey matter
Mad! He's as mad as a gum-tree full of galahs!
56You're as ugly as a box of blowflies.
She goes like the clappers.
Move fast
55Like a rat up a rope/drainpipe.
very quickly
Flash as a rat with a gold tooth.
54As handy as mudflaps on a speedboat.
Not handy at all
53Left like a shag on a rock.
result of unpopularity
52Mate, shes as rough as guts/mullet/goats' knees/a pigs breakfast.
very rough, crude
51I'd be up her like a rat up a drain pipe.
She very fuckable.
Fits like a finger in a bum.
It's tight.
Your face is like a twisted ugg boot.
Cold as a polar bear's behind.
49She's as ugly as a mud fence in a rainstorm.
A few dice short of Yahtzee.
Not very intelligent or mentally incapable
So hungry I could eat the arse/crutch out of a low flying duck.
I'm really hungry!
48As common as a cat/dog in Springvale.
Rare. (Alluding to Vietnamese eating dogs/cats)
Stiff as a wedding night/Saturday night prick.
Sore from exertion/exercise
47As old as Adam.
As lonely as a bandicoot on a burnt ridge.
46Carrying on like a pork chop.
overexited, hyperactive
45Like making love in a canoe.
Referring to a weak beer, because it's FN near water
44Full as a fat man's undies.
Had enough to eat
43Needed as a back pocket in a tshirt.
Not useful.
39Madder than a baptist in a brothel.
really angry
38(I'm so hungry) I could chew the crutch out of a low-flying vulture.
BLOODY Hungry!
Up and down like a mad woman's shit/custard.
Something which is 'all over the place'. ie a rough track
Full as a fairy's phone book.
full of grog
37Ugly as a deep sea racing mullet!
Ugly chick
Dryer than an Arab's fart.
36As fresh as a hand full of gum leaves.
35It's hotter than a whore in heat.
it's really hot
I am as dry as a nun's tit.
I'm thirsty
33As bent as a nine dollar note.
Dry as a Drover's dog.
Very thirsty
31Silly as a wet hen/square wheel.
30Goes off like Chinese New Year.
goes wild
Meaner than a recipient of a nuns verbal bitch slap.
you got to be pretty damn foul to get a verbal bitch slap from a nun
27As useful as a cunt full of cold water.
Not very usefull
Better than a shit in the dark.
Better than nothing at all
As ugly as a bag of spanners.
Full as a Catholic school.
The meal was extremly filling.
26As useful as a handbrake on a Holden.
25He / She has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.
has a double/ triple chin
It's colder than a well-diggers ass.
it's really cold
24Me heads throbbing harder than a honeymooners disk.
I got a headache.
23It's so cold, me headlights are on high beam.
Also known as Nippelus Erectus
Rough as bags and twice as nasty.
uncouth, rough
Meaner than Hungry Tyson.
20She's so fat, you'd have to roll her in flour to find the wet spot.
Speaking on sex with a weight challenged woman
As useless as a chocolate fireguard.
18She's so fat, you'd have to slap her in the guts and ride the waves in.
Speaking on sex with a weight challenged woman
Two yards faster than a trickel.
Very slow.
As useful as a fart in a collander.
Useless. (collander is a kitchen strainer)
16Quick as a bumnut through an eggslice.
Quick. bumnuts=eggs.
15As full as a secondary school hat rack.
Very drunk
Fit as a buck rat! (and twice as sexy)
Even fitter than a Mallee Bull [meaning sexually active]
14Slicker than whale shit on an iceberg.
pretty slick
So cold it'll freeze the balls on a brass monkey.
coooold (brass monkey being the three balls that hang outside a pawn shop )
Randier than a stud bull let lose in a paddock full of heifers.
Very randy
As stuffed as a whore on Father's Day.
Can't eat another thing
Into everything like/as useful as a drover's pup.
Not useful at all
13She's wider than a choir-boy's asshole.
She's fat.
You've got a head like a dropped pie.
Very Ugly
12He's got a head like a Dirrambandi mailbox: big and empty.
A slow-witted (and possibly oafish) person. Dirrambandi mailboxes are huge water drums... but people there don't receive much mail, so they're pointless!
9I'll be off like a Jewish foreskin.
I'm getting out of here
8Wet as a soup sandwhich.
7She has a head on her like the south end of a north bound camel.
She is bloody ugly
So thin she wouldn't cast a shadow.
self explanatory
Busier than a one legged lesso on a pogo stick.
very busy
As pissed as a newt.
6He's about as much use as a fart in a thunderstorm!!
he is totally useless/ a waste of space
So fat, when he/she rides a motorbike, you can't hear the engine.
So low he could parachute out a snake's arse and free-fall.
a view on someone else's morals
Need a piss like a dog needs a floggin.
About as attractive as a box of frogs!
5As popular as a turd in a lunch box.
In and out like a fiddlers elbow.
really busy or a driver darting in and out of traffic
I'm so hungry I could eat the crutch out of an Afgans undies.
really hungry
A face like the north end of a south bound cow.
4As thick as a wharfie's (or brickie's) sandwich.
He has a head like a chewed mintie
Ugly looking thing.
Busier than a blue-arsed blowfly.
pretty darned busy.
As full as a bulls arse in the middle of spring.
Couldn't eat another thing
As useful as springs on a ballerinas' shoe!
(sarcasticly) real useful.
He's / She's got a face like a busted arse!
ugly as sin
3I'm as full as an aboriginals valliant.
I cannot eat any more
Thats about as useful as a G rated pron flick!
it's useless
Thicker than a 2 dollar watch without the workings.
Not bright.
Pull it as if you're getting a black fellow off your mum.
pull that bloody rope!
It's as wet as a whores cunt outside.
pissing down rain
As thick as two short planks!
Not too bright!!
Last about as long as a snowflake in summer.
wouldn't last long
As flat as a shit carters hat.
describing the landscape
As thick as a doctors wallet!
a bit slow or stupid
As silly as a goose.
It's so dry you can flog a flea across it.
I'm off like a piece of rotten cheese.
I'm leaving
2Queer as a concrete parachute.
Poof or lesbian
Useful as genital worts on a ribbed condom.
not very usefull
As rare as a moment of fun at a Frank Field Concert.
very rare!
Someone is threepence (pronounced throopence) short of a shilling.
1He/she has a head like a racing tadpole.
pretty damned ugly
He's as useless as tits on a tomcat.
absolutely no use at all
As useful as a parachutte in a submarine.
The End.